housework time finally arrives..

Today I finally started the housework (as in never got out of my dressing gown till after 3 because I was working so hard on the house)It still looks untidy and even now as I am typing the washing machine is still going. I hate tidying as I always find things that hold massive emotions for me you know the jumper that 'he' bought! The letter that you wrote to them, the top you wore on your third anniversary, or the pictures that your children drew at 1, 2, 3, 4.....Yep, I am one of them women the I'll save it just in case it comes in handy at a later date doesn't really work in a tiny living space with two children.....Trying to do detached cleaning so that my emotions don't cloud my judgements at to whether or not to throw that item be it clothing or an ornament!

Lifes a beach.......

After yesterdays little impromptus visit to the park - today I decided to try out the car on a little trip to Aberystwyth beach - 3 hours later we arrive at Ab-FAB-Beach - what a beautiful day –BUT my son had to run into a little fresh water pond - Me and him and my daughter were all looking at the water and splashing our toes in the shallow bit, when he just decided to run for it - and for the deep part he just went totally under, up floated his hat and I ran in jeans and all into some seriously cold water!! - Fished him out was all over in a matter of seconds, he was on the side coughing up water when he then makes a second run to the water!!! I tell you boys are definitely completely different to girls - my daughter with her sulks and all - is an angel in comparison to my brilliant boy of all things naughty!

I'm going for going for greeeeeen....

Today I got one of those LPG converted cars it's a Mitsubishi Space wagon looks minging but should be relatively cheap to run, I'm trying to friendly :- environmentally and to my pocket!! - had one of those days today where it was good to remember the kisses yesterday morning it was one of them days where I never seemed to have a tidy house even though I cleaned none stop, the washing machine was going none stop and there still seemed to be more dirty clothes to wash. In the end I went to the park which was beautiful as it stopped raining the moment we got out so we had fun in the sand and had a walk round the museum. I still got housework to do, but do you know what, I’ll do it in the morning.

A lovely start to my day....

I was awoken today by lovely wet kisses from my son simply beautiful one of those moments when I think 'I love being a mum!'

Today has generally been one of those days when I have been grateful for the time I have had with family and friends it has been a really lovely day. Even though I have managed to break a lawnmower, an electric rake and a glass vase! Isn't it amazing how the way you way up can affect your whole day!

Searching.....

I have spent the last near on hour trying to find my babies dummy - DUMMY I hear the gasps of horror - a pacifier - Oh yeah I need silence at nights and that thing works a treat!!! Anyways - How can a child completely lose a dummy when they are in a cot I mean the dummy had vanished - no where to be seen and I know because I got that annoyed that I couldn't find the stupid thing I switched on the light not that my son liked that as his howls got a couple decibels louder but like how does that happen has he eaten it! I mean I get these dummies that glow in the dark for this exact reason that I hate losing them!! Found the spare one all is now quiet! But now I can't sleep I'm thinking about all the stuff I need to do tomorrow as well as keeping my 10 year old daughter going on 17 entertained! - is it time to go back to work yet I need some normality!!!

Just realised....

Oh my goodness - I am back at work next week after 6 weeks off not sure how I am going to continue to juggle things I have to do - to be honest I have been off work and still I have struggled with doing the housework, the stuff I have to do for work and spending time with my children I have just noticed how I have put everything before ---- time with my children don't know if this is coincidence or a more sinister thing.

Mixed up and muddled

Ever had one of those days where like I have today thought it was Monday and then in the middle of the day actually realised it is Tuesday then spend all day trying to cram the two days into one while your children ask you what are we going to do today and you thinking I’m doing loads I can't fit anything else in - when if you just settled down and listened you'd realise what they were really saying was 'please can you spend some time with me!?' but you don't realise that until you have struggled to get them into bed so you can continue doing all the stuff you need to do which isn't really important when you realise you have just missed a whole 24hr, 48hr, week, month or year of your child’s life - I gotta get this balance right! I vow to attempt to do stuff differently from today. Well it's easy saying it now when I have got demands from my boss, parents, baby sitter or my own needs to fulfill.

After the weekend, i really took time to reflect on how things were and how I didn't want them to be - but it is so easy to slip back into the routines of old - change really is hard and tiring - creating a new habit is uncomfortable and unsettling but I am missing time with my kids time that I will never get back so no matter how much I need to make sure there’s a roof over our head and food on the table I got to also make sure that I bring up my children so they'll want to be in the house as me and under the same roof as me and want to eat food around a table with me because I’ve shown them I love them, and value the limited time I have with them before they grow up and begin their own busy lives......................

Weekend developments...

Well I spent a fantastic weekend concentrating on me....yep it was all about me bayyybeee! Did I spend a long weekend at the spa, nah, getting a pampering session nope, didn't include hair or nails --- ahhh I hear you saying "so that means you were shopping?" oh to have the money to be able to shop for a whole weekend none stop!! -- Wrong again! I in fact have been on an anger management course for the whole weekend this intensive one not like I went there thinking I’m an angry bunny or anything like that but it amazed me to realise the many many ways I suppress my anger and then occasionally release my anger on something no matter how little when I feel I've reached my limit! I understand how unhealthy it is for me to continually do that but not just for me but for my little ones too. They get a lot more reading my actions than they do from what I actually say -quite scary - that whole history repeating it self scenario!! I propose to be a lot more honest about my feelings. It was amazing to spend 3 days looking into my self and being aware of myself - total nightmare finding babysitters for the little ones over the weekend had to find one for Friday 8am - 10 pm, sat 10 - 5 and sun 8.30 - 4.30 lots of thank you and chocolates to grandparents and godparents who helped out but my son still managed to fit in a visit to the accident and emergency room yesterday and has stitches in his head!! - the godparents are quivering wrecks after one day with him - I think he is going to test all my anger management tools to the limit!

What was I thinking...

like I really actually thought that today would be straight forward night kiss cuddle and they would be asleep but no it was not the case I should've known this afternoon when I put little one down for a nap and 3 hours later he finally went to sleep so no difference tonight....arrrggghhh. We all trundled along to a talent show today it was most entertaining and actually consisted of some talent which was a delightful bonus....can anyone suggest sleep routines I know I can't be the only one struggling and the controlled crying vs. captive cuddle battle begins..............

And she blogs....

Well in this my intial post, I sit thinking - I never thought that 5 years ago I would be using a world wide web based diary but yep here I am doing it....So lets invite you all into my world - I got a daughter and a son, my daughter at the moment is happy its school hols and I have bought her a pink fish so she is very happy - life is great, my son is in one piece hasn't got stitches on any part of his body right now, isn't bleeding or crying - Life is FANTASTIC! so why the search for sanity...Well, you see its only because my children are asleep - life is very very different when they are awake...... and I spend all day searching for sanity only to come up trumps...